by Amy S.
Are you an overwhelmed parent or caregiver? Or do you wonder why the ones in your life act so stressed (and, just maybe, you think they might be over-reacting)? In that case, these resources are for you.
Now that the school year is in full swing, some of us may be feeling a little overwhelmed by those those whizzing school app notifications, “parent homework” (aka. homework supposedly assigned to kids but absolutely incompletable without huge parental time commitment), and those ever-mounting evening and weekend special school activities and extracurriculars … plus those dozens of chores, bills, doctors appointments, and of course jobs that make surviving possible in this inflation-ridden society of ours. Or maybe you’re a caregiver of a younger child or infant, trying to make everything work in these stressful and isolating times.
Whatever the case, here are some books and events to help. Don’t worry, we also stock the books in audiobook format for those of us who do most of our reading while working on all those other things.
Let’s start with a light-hearted poke at parenting from a surprising source. Pulitzer-prize finalist Daniel Mason – prolific author, medical doctor, professor, and father of two young boys – released his first book written exclusively from the perspective of a modern dad. Mason’s last novel, North Woods (2023), was a finalist for the National Books Critics Circle Award for Fiction and won a PEN Oakland/Josephine Miles Award. North Woods is a beautifully-written, utterly unique novel about the history of a house in the woods of Massachusetts from its colonial roots on. It’s one of the best books I’ve ever read, and I can’t recommend it enough.
According to The Harvard Gazette, Mason’s inspiration for Country People came from living in rural New England while researching the bestselling North Woods:
When I wrote my last book, “North Woods” (2023), I spent a year out in Western Mass., Southern Vermont, and upstate New York doing research, and there were a number of characters there that remained with me even after I was done. I also found myself continuing to think about the comedy of our family of city people picking up for a year and trying out rural life — with all our preconceptions and fantasies about what that might be.
The resulting novel, Country People (2026) focuses on the father of a family who moved to rural Vermont from urban California for the academic rock-star mother’s job. The father, Miles, ends up being the primary caregiver of their two school-aged children while trying to integrate into their new, very different community, finish his dissertation, take care of the house, and figure out what comes next.
Mental load burnout is the thing that makes women feel like they’re running at top speed but barely moving forward. It’s what makes even markers of success – new babies, jobs, or promotions- feel exhausting and overwhelming. And there’s a double burden: Social standards set women up to be spread too thin, but most of us internalize the idea that our inability to keep up is our fault–it’s all in our heads, or we need to let go of perfectionism. –Drained abstract.
Are you a caregiver who has tried (and possibly failed) to impart to others why you’re often so overwhelmed? The book Drained: Reduce Your Mental Load to Do Less and Be More is for you – and hopefully your spouse or other family stakeholders, too. Dr. Ruppanner had me absolutely hooked just with the introduction, which I recommend reading at a minimum for anyone interested in these issues (especially those that dismiss them as exaggerated). Dr. Ruppanner studies caregivers as an exper social scientist. She quantifies the proverbial “mental load” in a way that I’ve never seen even attempted anywhere before, and I’m an information professional who’s pretty well read on this subject.
Drained breaks down what the mental load is, and how it functions to keep primary caregivers (mostly but not always mothers) continually stressed and overly burdened compared to their partners and peers. Dr. Ruppaneer even addresses fathers who truly believe that they are already equally dividing up tasks with mothers, but her research shows that they hardly ever are. While proving that the mental load actually exists is an unprecedented accomplishment as far as I’m concerned, the book goes much further to help caregivers figure out how to help reduce the mental load in daily life with concrete exercises like “the mental load audit.”
There must be something in the water (maternal exhaustion, maybe?) because we have two new programs in October and November at Russell Library on just this topic. Every Wednesday at 1pm in the Hubbard Room (and online!), join our It Takes a Village: Caregiver Support Group, moderated by Middletown’s own postpartum doula, Sarah Upton. In case you’re not familiar, postpartum doulas are professionals who support families after the birth of a child. This discussion group is for caregivers of all varieties, not just moms of babies. Does the time conflict with your charge’s naptime or you just can’t get to the library on Wednesdays? That’s okay. You can join virtually, because this is a hybrid event. No registration required. You can join every Wednesday, or just one. You can even bring your child. We’re easy.
On November 19th at 5:30PM, also moderated by postpartum doula Sarah Upton, please join us for a screening of the new documentary No Country for Mothers. At present, this film is only available for groups to screen. It’s not available for individual viewing or in the theaters – though I hope that will change because it’s an important and high quality work in this librarian-mom’s humble opinion.
Written and directed by New York City-based lawyer and activist (and mother) Reshma Saujani, this compelling documentary examines the post-covid reality of motherhood in America. Like Dr. Ruppanner, Saujani examines maternal overload in the only developed country currently without universal paid maternity leave, and astronomically expensive child care. The message of the documentary is clear: mothers should unite to support one another, instead of letting politics divide and conquer. The documentary also examines timely cultural topics like “Girl Bosses” versus the TradWife movement featured in the bestselling novel Yesteryear by Caro Claire Burke.
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